Can Children Destroy a Marriage or Relationship? The Power—and Danger—of No Boundaries
Many people don’t like to talk about this topic, but it’s real, it’s painful, and it’s happening every day. Yes, children absolutely can destroy a marriage or relationship when boundaries are not set.
Before anyone becomes offended, let me be clear:
Children deserve love. Children deserve protection. Children deserve to be heard. But children should not be given the authority to control adult relationships especially when they are grown and there is no abuse, neglect, or danger involved. There is a difference between having a voice and having control.
When I was married, my ex-husband had children. The two oldest did not like me. I never disrespected them, raised my voice, or treated them poorly. When they visited, I cooked and showed hospitality. I am naturally a quiet person, and I like a peaceful, clean home. Because of my boundaries, they told their father, “She doesn’t like us. We don’t feel comfortable there.” That wasn’t true, I simply had structure and limits.
Before we married, I made it clear that our problems should stay between us. His children did not need to know our private issues. But that agreement was broken. He talked to them like friends, they knew everything, and they could do no wrong. Anytime I brought up concerns, I was made out to be the villain.
These were grown children 19 and 21 years old, yet their opinions were allowed to outweigh our marriage. I warned him that one day they would choose partners he might not agree with, and there would be nothing he could do about it.
It still amazes me how grown adults allow younger people—who are still learning life, love, and heartbreak—to dictate major life decisions. Children deserve love and respect, but they should not be running adult relationships.
Adults work things out. Adults communicate. Adults set boundaries.
And without boundaries, even the strongest relationships can fall apart.
